ADM Mullen Declares War on National Debt

In a stunning announcement yesterday, Admiral Mike Mullen told the Detroit Economic Club that the national debt had replaced nuclear terrorism as the greatest threat to national security.

The single biggest threat to national security is the national debt, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff said yesterday, underscoring the importance of good fiscal stewardship and a need to stimulate economic growth.

American taxpayers are going to pay an estimated $600 billion in interest on the national debt in 2012, Navy Adm. Mike Mullen told local leaders and university students here.

Mullen explained to the group that the Joint Staff and OSD had undertaken an analysis of the enemy and discovered that the 9% average annual growth in the defense budget between 2000 and 2009 had made the Defense Department the largest source of discretionary spending contributing to the national debt. As such, he intends to focus his full energy and plans on defeating the Defense Department.**

"Our plan is two-fold," he explained. "We intend to ask Congress to increase spending on major defense acquisition programs so that we can defeat the national debt within the DOD budget. We will develop a counterinsurgency operation by employing military veterans who have been released from active duty. Their skills and life experiences will be key to infiltrating and taking out the major state actors who are increasing defense funding and thus the national debt and its threat to America. We expect this to be a long-term contingency operation, possibly running up to 2016 before we see positive results."

Mullen alluded to the "Oil Spot" theory in the execution of this plan. "We intend to attack OSD acquisition first, and take out the key people who are ignoring the spiraling costs and extended schedules of the major defense acquisition programs. We can ignore OSD policy, they're just the propaganda arm of the defense budget. As we hold our position, we'll expand by attacking into the Congressional staffers' strongholds in the Armed Services Committees. That battle will rival Fallujah 2004, I think. It will be bloody. We don't expect to win over the defense industry partners, they're long-term fanatics and well-funded, but we think we can negotiate with them from a position of strength at that time."

More on this new military initiative against the national debt as it continues.

** Following paragraphs are actually creative fiction (Hey, the punch lines just write themselves. Truly)

Comments

[U5]

Frick'n brilliant...

[Dean]

Did I read that right? Plan is to fight debt by increasing spending? WTF?

[asdfsdf]

My god...the greatest threat?

I just hope our uniformed heroes are up to the challenge. For...for all of us. For freedom.

(so how exactly do you use a carrier against the national debt?)