The End of the War of the Worlds

It's so quiet today. There's no planes flying, no traffic. But something's... different. The television works again. I'm watching CNN, and they have Secretary of DHHS Kathy Seleblius talking. She's saying that the tripods have collapsed - the Martian soldiers are lying dead in the streets. The government's done a quick autopsy on some of the corpses, and the doctors all agree.

The Martians died of exposure to H1N1 virus. It's hard to understand, but I suppose because the infectious bug is so alien to them, it was 100 percent toxic. They're all dead. Says Seleblius, "Thank goodness our vaccine production was slower than we had anticipated. Enough people were sick by swine flu that every Martian in every state was affected. It was unintentional biological warfare." Martians in the United Kingdom, Russia, and other parts of the world have been similarly affected.

In other news, it seems that reports about Senator Mitch McConnell and Rep. John Boehner being killed in Washington DC hospital emergency rooms are true. The two Republicans were trying to cut past injured people who had been waiting hours for treatment, and... well, it didn't go well. The two started shouting something about "it's Obama's fault you don't have health care - go wait for your death panel!" and then the crowd just lost it. Yeah, I'll miss those two. 

President Obama has returned to the White House after he and a few Secret Service bodyguards dished out some big-time whoop-ass on the Martians. He returned carrying a strange gravity gun, pulse rifle, shotgun, crossbow, an SMG and a .357 Magnum. "Well," he said, "just having hope was not an option." 

Comments

[Cheryl Rofer]

Well done!

[NVH]

Pretty sure this is even gayer than the golden god headline a couple days ago...
But that said I read every one of them so...

[juegos de estrategia]

nice entry! happy halloween to all readers of this blog