Educating the Movie Directors

The A&E Channel is showing a new version of "The Andromeda Strain" Monday and Tuesday, 9-11 PM.  I only watched the first hour, it became too painful. The TV movie decided that a US Army Biodefense Agency needed a four-star general (Andre Braugher) to run response operations to biological outbreaks. Benjamin Bratt is leading a civilian-military team to investigate the government satellite that crashed in the south deserts of Utah (i.e., not Dugway's fault this time). Eric McCormack (Will and Grace) plays the investigative reporter. From imbd.com:

In "The Andromeda Strain," a U.S. military satellite crashes in a small town and unleashes a deadly plague killing all but two survivors. As the military quarantines the area, a team of highly specialized scientists is assembled to find a cure to the pathogen code-named "Andromeda," and a reporter investigates a government conspiracy only to discover what he is chasing wants him silenced.

We've never had a general officer working chemical-biological defense above a two-star. Neither Andre or Rickie Schroeder can wear a beret, evidently. And the "Andromeda Strain" is a biological organism that reacts instantly with a 99 percent lethal reaction to the host, unlike any known biological organism known on earth. The LA Times has an interesting comparison to the 1971 film. The Boston Globe says they like it, too. But I don't know how the reviewers on IMDB gave this turkey an average 6.7 out of ten. I cringe every time they say "biodefense" or "biological weapon." Took only 45 minutes for them to discuss nuking the contaminated town (but just a tactical nuke, less than a kiloton). Oh, and a slow-motion, co-ed automated decon process that just defies description. It was like a human car wash.

Oh, the horror. Not of unstoppable biological contagions, but rather of bad plots, poor technical research, and overacting. Hey, Hollywood, we CB defense consultants work really, really cheap.

UPDATE: Watched the second hour (more or less). The organism is alien, jumps across species, so the president authorized a nuke strike. The nuke (which looked like an air-to-air missile) is strapped onto an F-16 plane (what, no bombers with cruise missiles around? say like at nearby Minot AFB?), the plane gets over the target when the scientists find out that radiation feeds the organism. They convince the White House to call the nuke strike off, but the organism (somehow) attacks the plane (corrodes it), arms the missile, and the missile falls off the plane to nuke the site.

Jesus wept.

Comments

[Rob]

I had it on in the background; it was genuinely terrible.

[ry]

Ugh. Even the old version wasn't that good, even though it tried to stay true to the book. Sounds like this one only sorta-kinda wanted to stay true to the book. Travesty. I'm not regretting the lack of cable(except for on Fridays, and thanks for not putting BSG up every Fri to punish me, J).

[deichmans]

Maybe they wanted to balance out Tim Burton, who (in MARS ATTACKS!) made the Chief of Staff of the Army a three star.