Stephen Colbert - NY Times Op-Ed Columnist

Maureen Dowd stepped aside and let Stephen Colbert in her seat as a NY Times columnist for a day. This may be the best column she's done all year.

Others point to my new bestseller, “I Am America (And So Can You!)” noting that many candidates test the waters with a book first. Just look at Barack Obama, John Edwards or O. J. Simpson.

Look at the moral guidance I offer. On faith: “After Jesus was born, the Old Testament basically became a way for Bible publishers to keep their word count up.” On gender: “The sooner we accept the basic differences between men and women, the sooner we can stop arguing about it and start having sex.” On race: “While skin and race are often synonymous, skin cleansing is good, race cleansing is bad.” On the elderly: “They look like lizards.”

Our nation is at a Fork in the Road. Some say we should go Left; some say go Right. I say, “Doesn’t this thing have a reverse gear?” Let’s back this country up to a time before there were forks in the road — or even roads. Or forks, for that matter. I want to return to a simpler America where we ate our meat off the end of a sharpened stick.

Let me regurgitate: I know why you want me to run, and I hear your clamor. I share Americans’ nostalgia for an era when you not only could tell a man by the cut of his jib, but the jib industry hadn’t yet fled to Guangdong. And I don’t intend to tease you for weeks the way Newt Gingrich did, saying that if his supporters raised $30 million, he would run for president. I would run for 15 million. Cash.

Nevertheless, I am not ready to announce yet — even though it’s clear that the voters are desperate for a white, male, middle-aged, Jesus-trumpeting alternative.

Classic Colbert. You have to love him.

Comments

[BGG]

Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are two of the many reasons this really is a great country!

[bugsaw]

Two bumper stickers on my Jeep - Stewart/Colbert 08 - Colbert/Stewart 08. I am so torn with indecision

[ChipWinkendale (Pres. Jib Cutters America)]

While Jib production in the U.S. may be down, we're still here producing quality sailing products such as jibs. If you'd like you're jib cut the American way (by a sweaty man yanking on a rope), please contact us at: http://www.PleaseComeBuyOurSubParAmericanMadeProductBecauseIfYouDoNotThoseGodlessCommiesInChinaWillTakeOverTheWorldAndMakeYouEatRiceAndDriveKias.com

[ChipWinkendale (Pres. Jib Cutters America)]

let me try that again - I'll put in some breaks so it doesn't run off the page

http://www.PleaseComeBuyOur SubParAmericanMadeProductBecause
IfYouDoNotThoseGodlessCommiesInChinaWillTakeOverTheWorldAnd
MakeYouEatRiceAndDriveKias.com

(just take out the spaces. If it doesn't work, it's because these dang computers are all made in OverThereIstan)